I wrote a post last week on my old blog, Girl in the North called ‘New Beginnings’ about my move over to here and it felt so strange writing it, but it feels even stranger writing this one! It’s taken me a good while to get things the way I wanted here and it still isn’t exactly how I imagined. No doubt, I’ll be tweaking and making little changes for weeks (months) yet. I thought for ages about how to start this post and I guess it makes sense to start at the beginning of my journey to becoming a Mum.
The day I discovered I was pregnant with twins, myself and Jason drove back home in pretty much silence. Every so often one of us would mutter ‘I can’t believe it…’ or some expletive. We hadn’t planned on one baby coming along at that time, let alone two. After getting married J had moved up from his place in London to Durham where we lived in my tiny two bedroomed house, which wasn’t close to either of our families and we both drove unsuitable three door cars. To top things off, it hadn’t been long since I’d took the risky move of leaving my well paid public sector job to go freelance. I’ll be the first to admit, even at 29 (only a couple months off 30) I didn’t feel ready.
I did what anyone in my position would do and came home to google ‘pregnant with twins’ and I really struggled to find anything positive. I joined various groups and still the majority of comments I found were negative. This didn’t just include multiple-pregnancies, it was singles too and it wasn’t just the internet. The majority of books told me my life would be over and how I’d be desperately seeking solace in a large glass of red every night. So despite the fact my blog mainly covered things to do in the North East, I started using it as a coping mechanism and wrote about my twin pregnancy journey.
And having come through it and currently at 8.5 months on the other side, I can honestly say, it’s not that bad.
Of course, there have been moments… there have been long sleepless nights and days where I’ve felt like I haven’t got a clue what I’m doing but they are fleeting in comparison to the joy Edie and Mabel bring. I noticed very early on, that the days when I was most chilled around the girls and didn’t worry or stress, they were also the most relaxed.
Until the girls came along, I’d barely held a baby – there weren’t many in my side of the family or at least none that lived near us. I’d never changed a nappy before or put clothes on anything other than my dolls when I was younger. So when they arrived, I began winging it. There were lots of ‘guidelines’ floating around from various different organisations and coming at me from all directions but shortly before J went back to work, during one long sleepless night, I came up with a plan that contradicted my naturally panicky personality and decided to just do what I thought seemed logical and best. And the most important part of my strategy… (try) not to worry about it.
I kept writing as it was quicker than filling in the baby book my Mum had got me (sorry Mum) and I wanted to remember everything. And since the days were long and quiet without many or sometimes any adults, I started rambling away on Instagram Stories. Other mums (and not just multiple mums) online and offline started commenting on how relaxed Edie and Mabel were and they asked questions about my routines or how I did x, y and z, and quite often my answer was just, ‘I don’t know really I just tried this.’ So despite the fact I’m no expert and I’ve never claimed to be, I started writing about these things and planning posts as I thought it might just help people who were in the same position as me. These were the things I craved during pregnancy, honest articles that weren’t designed to terrify.
Since entering the club of motherhood, I’ve realised that just like in school, I’m a bit of an inbetweener. I wouldn’t say I’m particularly ‘mumsy’ but I’m also not desperately throwing myself at the Vino every night. There seems to be this trend in the parenting world at the moment that it’s ‘cool’ to point out all the not so nice stuff that comes with it. I imagined from some of the things I’d read that my life would be full of poo explosions, I’d be covered head to toe in sick and I’d never sleep again and I’m not going to lie, it’s happened but not every day. The good far outweighs the bad.
So that’s what I really hope Crap, I’m a Mum will achieve: as well as giving me an outlet to write just like I used to, that it will also provide a resource of honest, down to earth information that doesn’t put the fear into soon to be or new mum’s because it’s really not that bad.
Photo courtesy of Angela Fenwick